November 2011
3 posts
i’m sitting on the dirty carpet in l’s basement. everything smells like ferret piss. i might be young but i am not afraid of you and your razor blades and mirrors and scales. prior to this moment i had never seen cocaine in real life but something in me wants it badly as soon as it appears. the careful actions of weighing, cutting lines, rolling dirty bills and inhaling are propelled...
i am alone now
i feel stupid and immature and irrational but i also feel relieved and calm. somewhere deep down i know he will notice but maybe that’s what i want, all i’ve ever wanted, his attention.
i am back in control. everything is going back to the way it used to be. nothing is more perfect than these clean, tidy, parallel lines. i want to believe that i don’t need anything else, not...
October 2011
7 posts
i know it’s lazy but sometimes it is comforting to think i can blame most of my unhappiness on her existence
and i don’t feel bad because maybe (probably) she feels the same way about me
i don’t know what i have done i’m...
when i see pictures of her (or hear you mention her) i understand what it means to feel one’s blood boil
my heart feels like it’s being squeezed or maybe like a towel being wrung out and all i can think of is how much she looks like me how much prettier she is than me how much better with her words she is than me how much you must have liked her
and then the nausea hits when i...
everything around me is old and decaying and falling apart.
when we had only known each other for a little while i wrote a craigslist missed connection about you
everyone that replied said that it was beautifully written but i was sure none of them were you
i wish i could read it again and remember what it was like to be that desperately, unabashedly in love with you.
everything else becomes inconsequential when you are faced with the possibility that the person you love is drifting away from you
April 2011
1 post
